by Jim Hightower
Let’s Send All Billionaires to Mars!
Unfortunately, in the short time we homo sapiens have existed on this 4.5 billion-year-old Planet Earth, we have trashed the place. Climate change, deforestation, desertification, plastics in everything… etc.
Fortunately, though, we large-brained hominids have evolved an almost-magical resource that promises to be our salvation: Billionaires!
One of the priceless benefits of amassing a multibillion-dollar, self-regenerating pile of wealth is that it automatically establishes you as “A Genius.” Never mind that you’ve most likely acquired your stash through some combination of inheritance, grift, rank exploitation, tax dodging, and such – you’re suddenly treated as a savant whose most fanciful nonsense is now taken seriously by the establishment.
Thus, we presently have two overstuffed money hogs, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos, preaching that Earth is a lost cause. But, no problem, for they are designing space technologies that will let a cadre of select humans escape doom by colonizing the Moon and Mars. Using untold billions of our tax dollars, the two are in a PR race to land their spaceships first. But – Hey Bozos! – what then? You think our blue-green planet is hell, try living with no air, water, soil, little gravity, and zero protection from the incessant bombardment of cosmic radiation.
Well, postulate the billionaire space cadets, “we” (actually meaning us taxpayers) will just geoengineer Mars and the Moon, terraforming them into an Earthlike oasis. But wait – as astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson pointed out a decade ago, “If you had the power to terraform Mars into Earth, then you have the power to turn Earth back to Earth.”
Tyson later said he’d only go to Mars if the designer of the colony “had sent their mother first.” Nice… but I have no doubt Musk and Bezos would gladly sacrifice their mom to advance their egos.