Layman’s Corner

Q:  Cassandra writes: What scriptures can I share to comfort someone who has lost a loved one?  Also, sometimes I do not know what to say to someone who is grieving the loss of a family member, any suggestions.

A:  Thank you for sending in this question as there are many people in our midst that are grieving over a beloved friend or loved one. Many people sometimes stress over what they should say to families or friends when they encounter them at a funeral or the visitation just prior to a funeral. I encourage people to remember that being there and available to someone who is grieving is more important to them than what you say, your presence is far more valuable. A person who is mourning a loved one may not remember the next day or the next week what you said to them during your visit, but they will remember you were there. Also consider sending a perennial plant that they could plant outside their home as a yearly tribute in memory of their loved one – often they will remember where it came from long after your words have faded from their memory.

Depending on the circumstances and age of the person who has passed away, it can sometimes be a challenge to know what to say. A word of caution – do not try to wax eloquent with words – this is not the time for that and often you will end up stepping on your tongue or putting your shoe in your mouth. So, keep your shoes on and step to their side and give them a hug or gently hold their hand and let them simply know that you are sorry for their loss and perhaps a brief thought about how much that person meant to you and/or a fond memory you have of them. There will be opportunities in the weeks and months after the funeral that you will have to also show and give them support. You might offer to help with a project around their house, run errands, make a hot meal and bring it over, invite them out to dinner or for a walk at a park. The greatest loneliness a grieving person has is not so much at the funeral but in the days and months following the funeral.

As far as Bible texts go, there are numerous passages that will bring comfort. I would suggest that before filling out a card and/or attending a visitation or funeral, take a moment to lift the family up in prayer and ask God’s presence to be over the family who is grieving. Also ask for wisdom for how you may help and for the Holy Spirit to guide your words. There are many texts that are appropriate that one may share; but remember they are for the purpose of instilling seeds of comfort and hope and may be best shared in a card. By sharing one or two texts in a card, they will then have them for reference later when they can read them at a quieter time. The text will likely have more meaning as the family can read it thoughtfully without distraction. Either way avoid the appearance of sermonizing, also this is NOT the time to quote Roman’s 8:28 – “…all things work together for good to them that love God…” you know the text. Even though it is a beautiful truth, if taken by itself out of the context of which is recorded, you can come across to someone grieving as being insensitive to the pain their feeling at that moment. 

 Here are just a few samples out of hundreds. The book of psalms contains numerous promises of comfort and hope. We read in Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”  Also, Psalm 46, Psalm 121, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 2 Thessalonians 4:13 to 18 and Revelation 21:1-7. Hope this helps.

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